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The other day, Girl on the Net was pondering using butter for a sexual lube.
My first thought was that I had never tried that, but then, thinking back I realized I had when a teenager first experimenting with masturbation. I’ll never forget the first time I spurted jazz into my hand. I was 13, I think, and looking at one my dad’s Playboy mags and getting stiff for the first time. I didn’t really understand much about what was going on, but started to stroke my penis, and it felt good. Soon, I felt a sensation unlike anything I have ever experienced as I caught my breath and a white sticky liquid spurted from my cock. I definitely knew I liked it and wanted to do it again. I was soon experimenting with different methods of jacking off. My sources of inspiration were limited to Playboy and National Geographic, this being the 50’s and Al Gore had not invented the Internet yet. My dad had subscriptions to both and I can remember being in the basement furiously stroking my cock while looking at black and white photos of naked native breasts. I would spit on my hand to make it slippery, soon graduating to Vaseline… it was billed as an ointment and lubricant, and I thought it worked pretty good, but hard to clean off my dick and hands. I preferred jelly over jam, but that was way too messy. I even tried peanut butter, and I know what you are thinking… it was smooth not chunky, Skippy. And, I did try butter, although I can’t really remember my reaction, other than a handful of jizz I’m sure.
So, here I am decades later still stroking my cock and enjoying a good wank as The Girl would say. And today I’m going to be that guy sitting with his head tipped back in a chair, dick so hard there’s no give at all when you squeeze it, smearing butter on himself that she was talking about. I put some butter in a dish, let it get to room temperture and got comfortable. Thanks to the wonderful internet I no longer have to rely on Playboy and NG, and was soon watching some inspiring porn. It felt divine as I squeezed the butter around my shaft and watched it ooze between my fingers. As I stroked up and down the butter started to liquify and made a delightful greasy slickness that became a wonderful lube.
I was soon squeezing my balls as I pumped furiously seemingly feeling every molecule of my cock between my fingers. It kept getting harder and I wondered if her fantasy was propelling my erection. Soon, I sensed that familiar feeling building and arching my head back I felt the release as jizz flowed from the head of my cock. I was satisfied.
The butter was not as messy or as hard to clean up as I had thought, and afterwards I wondered if there would be a difference between salted or unsalted… I had used salted. Then I started to think that maybe I should have gone Organic… so many questions.
I told The Girl I would try butter and report back, sending a photo of my hard-on slick with butter.
As I was composing this post I turned on my television and the Olympics are on. Brazil vs Norway playing Women’s Handball. I’ve not seen this sport before, like water polo on a court… Brazil won. Next is Women’s Beach Volleyball… I’d better get some more butter.
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